Thursday, November 10, 2016

WHAT NOW?









 

What Now?

I feel bad. I feel abused. I feel like taking to my bed with a bottle of vodka. I feel outraged at my country. I feel like I am suffering from a great loss and cannot think straight. I feel apathetic. I feel afraid. I feel guilty. I feel small. I feel confused.

All through this Presidential election campaign, I felt a growing awareness that the country I am living in is not the country I thought I was living in. Now I know for sure that I have not really been looking at my country as it is. I was lulled into a feeling of hope and security by evidence that change was truly happening: change for women, minorities, and the under-represented people in our society. I thought we were ready for a woman to be our President, a woman who had the experience, the courage, and the will to continue the fight for true freedom of all people in our land but who could navigate the treacherous waters of the world as it is, who could continue to redeem our country in the eyes of the world.

I did not realize the extent of the anguish many of my fellow Americans are going through everyday as they try to make a living. I did not realize how very angry are the white, straight, conservative Christian men and women of this country. How ripe this segment of our society, who are still a slim majority, were for the con game of a demagogue who has played on their fears and insecurities to advance his own hunger for power and recognition.

I could not bring myself to post a blog about a book I read three weeks ago before this rude awakening was forced on me. Even though this morning, when I checked my reading log, I see that the next book I was to post a review about is actually completely apropos: The Big Green Tent by Ludmila Ulitskaya, a novel about Soviet Russia in its latter days.

I watched Hilary Clinton’s address to her campaign team yesterday morning and once again admired her courage, her clear thinking, and all the other qualities she has for leadership. I went to my reading group last night to discuss Last Days of Night by Graham Moore, a wonderful piece of historical fiction about the early years of electric power in America; the intersection of science, finance, and the law. We discussed, we drank wine, we got to giggling about pussy grabbing. The gloom began to lift.

This morning I read a great article on Lit Hub: Literary Voices React to President Donald Trump. Again I went through the whole spectrum of emotions. I started making decisions about my future reading. At one point I decided to read only books by women of all races, creeds, and nationalities. At another point I decided to drop the blog and just work on my Big Fat Reading Project and my memoir. I jotted down a quote from Dan Peipenbring of the Paris Review: “And read as often and as violently as you can.”

As always, I was restored by writers.

Lately, in my life, I have been pondering the concept of rebalancing. It is an ecological, Buddhist, Tao Te Ching, long-view concept. Human beings get out of balance due to all kinds of factors that are part of daily life but some cosmic force works always to bring the dichotomies of life back into balance. All of those emotions I cited in the first paragraph of this essay are brought about by the terror of things getting so out of balance that life or the universe will end.

My conclusion today is that I had not totally been facing how out of balance the world and the human race truly is at this time. It is not that I did not know that. It is that I thought things were improving. And I think they are but not as much as I had thought. A huge factor in the cosmic force towards balance is sentient beings. When the storm is over, when the fire is out, when the smoke clears, it is up to sentient beings to come out of disaster mode and start thinking, planning, setting things to rights.

The best sentient beings I know are people who read and write, clearly and as truthfully as they can. That is us! Bloggers, readers, authors, publishers. We dare not give up, give in, or stay silent. We need to read it all, even the words of white male chauvinist bigots. Everyone in a free society gets to have a say, we need to know the enemy and understand him, and we need to be in conversation with him.

So, I will read, I will write, I will attempt to be in concert with the forces of balance, I will not pander, I will not be silent. I will be back tomorrow with my next review.

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog. Take heart, carry on, be the change you want to see in this world, keep the faith, and all that good stuff!

14 comments:

  1. I'm sorry that you feel that way, Judy, but keep in mind that while you may not have gotten your wish, you got to experience the greatest democracy on earth in action. Sometimes you get what you want, like Obama, and sometimes you don't, like Trump, but so many governments in the world don't respect (good or bad) the will of their people. I should know. I come from one.

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    1. Thank you Carmen for your response. Where do you come from?

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  2. When I say that I know just how you feel, I think you know I mean it! This was the most gut-wrenching election I've been through and I've been through many. I live in Texas, after all. What is particularly galling is that it looks like when the final totals are in, Hillary will have received approximately 1.2 million more votes than Trump and yet, with our antiquated system of the Electoral College, Trump is elected president. What a travesty!

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    1. Thank you Dorothy. I know you mean it. And I completely agree about the unworkable Electoral College as it stands now. This is the fourth time it has skewed the popular vote. I really don't know how it has been permitted to stand in what is supposed to be the greatest democracy on earth. One of the many things we need to work on.

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  3. I am so feeling your pain. As an African American woman of a certain age who was born and raised in Atlanta, Ga. now living in Houston, I didn't realize that so many in our country would mindlessly choose someone who does not display any good character qualities. I understand the need to change, but we should be wise with our choices. As a Christian I am completely confounded that others who love Jesus could choose a man who gladly spreads hate to anyone he decides . I pray that God heals us and delivers Trump and those like him to choose to do what's best for all of America. Father, help us, please!!

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    1. Thank you so much for posting your comment here. Welcome to Keep the Wisdom! Your prayers are my prayers.

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  4. My very dear Judy, oddly, I knew you were going to feel this way.
    I am sincerely sorry to know you so disappointed. Honestly, it makes me sad to read this post. The only words that come to my mind is "we have to accept what we cannot change." Fortunately, you can express your opinions freely and that's gold. I wish you a great weekend and look forward to reading your book reviews.
    P.S. My mum saw it come. She said whenever people are desperate and afraid they make bad choices.

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    1. Thank you for your articulate response. I am not sad today, just recommitted to doing what I can to make my country better and help people through their troubles. You have a smart mom!

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  5. I went to bed early, afraid to see what was happening Tuesday night and woke up to the gut punch of Wednesday morning's reality. I'm still reeling. I remember when I turned on the TV in 2008 and wept with joy for my fellow Americans and our new president elect. I guess I got complacent. I enjoyed having that lovely family and our progressive leader filled with heart and smarts, leading our way. It never occurred to me that a man who ran such a disgusting campaign could appeal to anyone. Now, although still feeling like I'm in mourning, I've seen glimmers of hope and have been getting a lot of use from that unfollow option on facebook. There are lots of people like us, people who want equality for our citizens and I'm hoping our anger can catapult us into action. More than half of the country has to be enough to make a difference.

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    1. Thank you for your story. I would be so wowed to get like 100 stories like this here. Yes, more than half of the country will be plenty. As long as we don't get complacent again. I guess freedom is something that must be fought for everyday by everyone.
      And, lovely to have you visit Keep the Wisdom. You are possibly my oldest blogger friend, you know.

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  6. Dear Judy, I feel the same as you. Thank you for posting this great post. I've been MIA since the election: I can't post, I can't write, I can't read. I'm depressed and disillusioned all at once. I can't turn on the news. I voted absentee ballot for the state of Virginia where I last lived in 2008. I was proud to vote for Hillary and believed it would be an historic night for women. Everyone I know voted for her so it's very hard to comprehend. A terrible shock & a terrible blow. Thx for the link you attached of Literary Voices React, it's very good to read. This whole thing will take me a long while. Still reeling. Meanwhile you can come to Canada...

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    1. Thank you Susan! It has been quite a bad week. I have relatives and acquaintances who voted for Trump. I even have relatives and friends who didn't vote at all. It is hard to understand both. I have only read a few pages despite my resolve to do so. Today I will finally enter the next blog post. It all feels strangely like recovering from an illness. Thank for your invitation, but have lived in America all my life and I will stay, continue to support what is good and not support what is bad. I could not do otherwise. And that is no judgement of you, especially since you are still a citizen and voted!

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  7. It's hard to believe that three weeks have passed since the elections and the world is still in shock. Yes, the world. We grieve with you, Judy. But I think you knew that by reading my blog. Just wanted to let you know here, as well. And I totally agree, it's the readers of this world who gather the information, who try to understand this world a little better and hope that we all will learn from past mistakes.

    One of your friends wrote that you can come to Canada. Well, there's always Europe, as well. ;)

    Anyway, always happy to talk to you and always interested in hearing your views.

    Have a good month,
    Marianne from
    Let's Read

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    1. Thank you Marianne! Your words mean a lot and you are the first European to respond here. There is always Europe and the rest of the world. We may all be in the same boat sooner than we think. Three weeks later I am still believing in the rebalancing idea and watching the conversations going on. Anyway, good to have you in the conversation!

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