A Very Easy Death, Simone de Beauvoir, G P Putnam's Sons, 1966, 106 pp (originally published in France by Libraire Gallimard, 1964, translated from the French by Patrick O'Brian)
Have you ever spent the last days of your mother's life by her side? I have. This memoir of that experience by my much read and much admired Simone de Beauvoir hit me hard but not unpleasantly.
In the first volume of de Beauvoir's memoirs, Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter, written when she was in her forties, covered the first 23 years of her life. Her experiences and insights helped me understand my relationship with my mother. We both fought against our mothers' protective and restraining methods of raising a girl.
Simone's mother fell dangerously ill in 1963 when Simone was 55 years old. Her mother went to hospital, nursing home and finally into hospice care when inoperable cancer was found. Mine had two major strokes from which she could not regain enough strength to care for herself and eventually passed away 10 years ago, also in hospice though not due to cancer. She declined any sort of life support and my sisters and I honored her wishes. I was with her everyday for 3 months, the last 5 weeks of which I was her primary caregiver at her home.
Reading A Very Easy Death was like going through it all again: my mom's bewilderment at being so reduced, watching over her in the hospital and rehab facility where some bad things happened with doctors, nurses and techs, then feeling I had failed to save her when she finally passed.
However, the other thing I shared with Simone is a coming to peace with who my mother was and understanding her so much more deeply. We were no longer at odds in those final months, a huge gift to both of us.
Simone de Beauvoir is a brilliant writer. She made the concerns, the exasperations, the humorous moments, the grief and relief, so real. This book captures the details, the essence of that passage in life with complete honesty. I know it is honest because I have been there.
I wish I had had this book with me in 2009.
Sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my mother about ten years ago and I was also there a lot of time in the last months. This book sounds both moving and important.
ReplyDeleteI have heard that Simone De Beauvoir is a writer worth reading.
Thank you, Brian. Sorry to hear about yours. Ms de Beauvoir is so worth reading!
DeleteThis sounds like one I'd be able to relate to as well. I spent the last 10 wks of my mothers life by her side after her inoperable cancer diagnosis. I was 34. It wasn't until after her death that I began to see her much differently and how deeply flawed she really was.
ReplyDeleteDiane, that is quite young to lose your mother. I think you would find reassurance and insight in this book.
DeleteThis sounds like a very emotional book! Honestly, I don't know if I could handle it.
ReplyDeleteCarrie, this is a guilt free zone. You choose your reading.
DeleteSounds interesting, having been at more death beds than I would even want to recall
ReplyDeleteYes, Jeff, I can understand that.
DeleteLike Carrie already mentioned, A Very Easy Death sound like an emotional read. My mom is very much alive and we are close. My mom is swiftly approaching 70 and the thought of losing her due to potential health issues as one grows older is not something I want to have to long and hard about.
ReplyDeleteLisa, I understand that. Losing any parent is a hard part of life.
DeleteThis speaks to my experience as well, in being with my mother in the weeks before her (somewhat unexpected) death. The guilt afterward, wondering if there wasn't something else I could have done to save her, was overwhelming at times and still nags at me sometimes on nights when I find it hard to fall asleep. Nevertheless, I am glad I was there for her and was with her at the end. Simone would certainly have understood that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for telling your story, Dorothy. Of course Simone would have understood. I'll tell you, the lives we lead could be novels__or memoirs.
DeleteThat is very tough, glad you were there with your mother those last days. I worry about that stage coming to pass for my own mother; so I try to visit my parents every few months. Cherish is the word I think of. Simone book's sounds like it hit home.
ReplyDeleteCherish is a good word. You are doing the right thing. The book did hit home for me.
DeleteI'll be honest and say I had to stop reading this review when it became obvious what he topic was about. The thought of enduring that, knowing I will have to one day, utterly terrifies me and I push it out of my mind as soon as it comes in. I'd be lost without my mom. I feel horrible just writing those words.
ReplyDeleteI understand. I hope she lives a good long life. My mom made it to 90, her mom made it to 93. Just know there are some excellent books about such things and they will be there to help you in the hopefully far future.
DeleteHaven't read anything by her yet. I have one of her books in a pile (Second Sex) and a further one on my Amazon Wish List (The Mandarins).
ReplyDeleteThose are her two most well known books!
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your mother.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'd be able to read this book. I've lost my father almost a year ago and was next to his bed for 9 days...
I'm so sorry to hear about your father. It is for sure too soon for you to read this, I can understand.
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