Friday, October 30, 2020

WHAT NOW

 In these final days of the 2020 Election campaign, as I talk to friends and acquaintances, it is clear that worry is a big part of many people's emotional equation, including mine. So I am reposting here what I had to say after the last election, because no matter what the outcome is this time, I stand by my conclusions of four years ago. 

Here is a link: https://keepthewisdom.blogspot.com/2016/11/what-now.html

Here is a copy of the post: 

What Now?

I feel bad. I feel abused. I feel like taking to my bed with a bottle of vodka. I feel outraged at my country. I feel like I am suffering from a great loss and cannot think straight. I feel apathetic. I feel afraid. I feel guilty. I feel small. I feel confused. 

All through this Presidential election campaign, I felt a growing awareness that the country I am living in is not the country I thought I was living in. Now I know for sure that I have not really been looking at my country as it is. I was lulled into a feeling of hope and security by evidence that change was truly happening: change for women, minorities, and the under-represented people in our society. I thought we were ready for a woman to be our President, a woman who had the experience, the courage, and the will to continue the fight for true freedom of all people in our land but who could navigate the treacherous waters of the world as it is, who could continue to redeem our country in the eyes of the world. 

I did not realize the extent of the anguish many of my fellow Americans are going through everyday as they try to make a living. I did not realize how very angry are the white, straight, conservative Christian men and women of this country. How ripe this segment of our society, who are still a slim majority, were for the con game of a demagogue who has played on their fears and insecurities to advance his own hunger for power and recognition.

I could not bring myself to post a blog about a book I read three weeks ago before this rude awakening was forced on me. Even though this morning, when I checked my reading log, I see that the next book I was to post a review about is actually completely apropos: The Big Green Tent by Ludmila Ulitskaya, a novel about Soviet Russia in its latter days. 

I watched Hilary Clinton’s address to her campaign team yesterday morning and once again admired her courage, her clear thinking, and all the other qualities she has for leadership. I went to my reading group last night to discuss Last Days of Night by Graham Moore, a wonderful piece of historical fiction about the early years of electric power in America; the intersection of science, finance, and the law. We discussed, we drank wine, we got to giggling about pussy grabbing. The gloom began to lift.

This morning I read a great article on Lit Hub: Literary Voices React to President Donald Trump. Again I went through the whole spectrum of emotions. I started making decisions about my future reading. At one point I decided to read only books by women of all races, creeds, and nationalities. At another point I decided to drop the blog and just work on my Big Fat Reading Project and my memoir. I jotted down a quote from Dan Peipenbring of the Paris Review: “And read as often and as violently as you can.”

As always, I was restored by writers. 

Lately, in my life, I have been pondering the concept of rebalancing. It is an ecological, Buddhist, Tao Te Ching, long-view concept. Human beings get out of balance due to all kinds of factors that are part of daily life but some cosmic force works always to bring the dichotomies of life back into balance. All of those emotions I cited in the first paragraph of this essay are brought about by the terror of things getting so out of balance that life or the universe will end. 

My conclusion today is that I had not totally been facing how out of balance the world and the human race truly is at this time. It is not that I did not know that. It is that I thought things were improving. And I think they are but not as much as I had thought. A huge factor in the cosmic force towards balance is sentient beings. When the storm is over, when the fire is out, when the smoke clears, it is up to sentient beings to come out of disaster mode and start thinking, planning, setting things to rights. 

The best sentient beings I know are people who read and write, clearly and as truthfully as they can. That is us! Bloggers, readers, authors, publishers. We dare not give up, give in, or stay silent. We need to read it all, even the words of white male chauvinist bigots. Everyone in a free society gets to have a say, we need to know the enemy and understand him, and we need to be in conversation with him. 

So, I will read, I will write, I will attempt to be in concert with the forces of balance, I will not pander, I will not be silent. I will be back tomorrow with my next review. 

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog. Take heart, carry on, be the change you want to see in this world, keep the faith, and all that good stuff!


29 comments:

  1. Though there is a chance that he might win, hopefully we will soon be rid of Trumpism. It is indeed an authoritarian movement that poisons everything that it touches.

    I believe, based in what I believe to be good evidence, that humanity as a whole continues to become more prosperous, less violent and freer despite Trumpism. However, that does not mean that chunks of humanity, such as America, might not lose ground and go backwards for awhile. Let’s hope the the giant step backwards that America took with Trump is about to reverse itself.

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    1. Let us hope, indeed, Brian. I know I do.

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  2. inspiring post... regardless of what happens,it's important (imo) to maintain one's personal balance. increasing awareness of the mess human civilization is in tends to rock the boat, but nothing meaningful can happen for an individual unless he or she takes care of her or his own ship first. check the sails, drop the centerboard, line out the compass, and only then follow the course. Buddha said the world is a burning house, which it is in more than one sense, but survival in it entails ready access to one's own personal water hose...

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    1. Thank you Mudpuddle. You are so right and your metaphor so well put.

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  3. The VERY best of luck in a few days. The WHOLE world is watching and a good chunk of them are hoping that Trump was an aberration. As you say what gave rise to him and his ilk is still very much part of the world and especially, it seems rather bizarrely, in the US. LOTS of problems to be addressed going forward but one thing you can't say - that people, millions of them, are not involved in the struggle! Here's hoping for better times to come!

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    1. Thank you so much! Kind of creepy to know the WHOLE world is watching when all I want is for my country to be a beacon of hope and sanity and civilization.

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  4. I was not following your blog when you wrote the last piece, and I am grateful that you reproduced it here. I hope that on Wednesday I will be reading of your sheer elation at a definitive Biden victory. I shudder to imagine what the transition will be like!

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    1. We all shudder to imagine what the future will look like. Thanks for your comment.

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  5. You spoke and speak for all of us.

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  6. You brought me back to a dark time Judy. I could totally relate to: "I feel bad. I feel abused. I feel like taking to my bed with a bottle of vodka." I could't believe the country went for a "reality tv star." He proved that was all he was capable of and care about ratings! Next week is not going to be pretty and yes, as a country we are even more divided, I'm hoping we can get back on track.

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    1. Thank you Diane. Hope is essential but it is also going to take lots of hard work and smart people of good will.

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  7. Thank you for this. I appreciate it.
    www.rsrue.blogspot.com

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    1. Good. I am glad. You are welcome!

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  8. I remember your post! You spoke for many of us who too simply could not utter a word after that. I am hopeful and Yet I'm still walking on eggshells ... I'm exhausted by the past couple of months (if not also the past 4 years). I am stunned by the humanity that still votes for this person & his party ... after everything wrong that has happened. I'm disillusioned by them and worried about the country.

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    1. I am feeling all that you feel. So I looked back to see what I had written and it still seems to apply.

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  9. I've done an internship in Chicago in 2013 and the USA has been in my heart ever since.
    I remember being stunned, shocked and I felt a bit fearsome as well at the morning of my election. All my US-friends were devastated, is what I read in their Facebook posts. I remember that morning so well, my fellow teachers at school were also shocked, and a bit scared.

    I have no idea what it really feels like, because I'm thousands of kilometers away, but I love this post and I would love to see more like this. I've said it before; I think your writing is beautiful.

    On another note, I hope elections will turn out better for all of you...

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    1. Thank you for the compliment, Esther. It means a lot to me. Right now I am a Hope Machine!!

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  10. BTW - I see what you mean about reading about previous President's to give some perspective. I'm reading a book about the 1920's ATM. Warren Harding..... Jeeeeeze! It was like having Deja Vu! [lol]

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    1. I know! Glad to know a fellow reader who experiences similar results to what I have. I only started with Harry Truman, so I look forward to your review of the one you are reading. I got the idea from a blog I found whose writer was reading all the Presidents. The name of her blog was At Times Dull-:) She has not posted since 2016 but the blog is still on the web. Here is her review of the Warren Harding bio she read: http://attimesdull.blogspot.com/2015/05/who-is-this-warren-g-harding-anyway.html

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  11. I had many of those feelings four years ago and am hopeful, but nervous anticipating what may lie ahead of us. The turnout is likely to be record-breaking... not anticipating much sleep tomorrow night.

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    1. Yes, nervous sums it up. The turnout is definitely encouraging.

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  12. Just thinking about tomorrow makes me want to throw up. So much is at stake, and no matter what it is going to be ugly for a long time. It's not fair, but that is what trump has stirred up and whether he wins or loses, it will be all be ugly.

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    1. I am a little more optimistic with Michigan finally being called. I will not allow myself to breathe a sigh of relief until it is truly over, but this weight on my shoulders feels a little lighter tonight.

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  13. I went through the whole cycle of emotions that you did. The 2016 elections was also a major trigger for me to change jobs and move to a different city. But most of all, it was the shock that hit me - I was so sure of a Clinton victory and believed that when people said the lesser of two evils, they didn't mean Trump. This time around, I'm keeping my expectations in check and preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. It's hard thinking that it is possible that most states in the country could prefer the disrespectful, dangerous, unbalanced person over someone who can restore this country to its honor, but obviously not everyone thinks of him that way.

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    1. Expectations are so full of uncertainty. I am trying to be better prepared to be disappointed while hoping with all my being that we won't be.

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  14. I'm holding out hope that Biden wins and we can all feel like just maybe we are living in the country we thought we were living in.

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    1. Praise all, whoever that is, I am too.

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